Boobs: Sexy Or Stress-Inducing?
I am a strong, independent woman who is learning to accept and love my flaws and everything about myself, but there is just one thing I can’t get over: boobs. I feel like in society it’s not entirely ok to write or talk about something as *gasp* scandalous as boobs, but hey, I’m all for making people uncomfortable. I hate my boobs with a burning passion and I will do anything to get rid of those suckers. I know that some people really like boobs and yeah they do have a function, but they make everything such a struggle. I mean they are literally just large, floppy, heavy, sack-like things on my chest and they are not fun.
Since the age of about ten years old, I did notice that I was maturing and growing at a faster pace than my friends and peers. I remember the first time I went for a bra fitting-it was the most horrifying thing that I had ever experienced. I don’t want to get into the gruesome details, but let me just say that when a salesperson puts a measuring tape around my top and is basically touching my boobs in a store in public I wanted to scream.
I am still young, only sixteen, but I feel that the amount of stress that a part of my body, something that I can’t control, has caused me is unhealthy. For one thing, I feel like if I am not completely covered up and I’m not hiding my boobs, I’ll be perceived as someone/something that I don’t want to be perceived as. I don’t want to look sexy and I don’t really want people to think that I am trying to show off, because in reality I am trying to do the complete opposite. This could just be me being completely paranoid, but if clothes were made to fit every body type comfortably and appropriately, then I would have less of an issue. This is completely embarrassing and probably unnecessary, but for about three or so years I have worn two bras everywhere in an attempt to flatten my ‘girls’. It may sound totally bizarre, but it’s the only time that I feel somewhat secure and comfortable.
The biggest issue for me has been swimsuits. I have never found a swimsuit that has fit me, and all my boobage well, but when I have, I feel completely disgusting in it. I have succumbed to wearing swimsuits that have been designed for swimmers to wear because they kind of suck everything in. I am not a swimmer, and quite frankly I don’t think those bathing suits are cute at all. I like to think of my body as normal, I’m not over or underweight, but these goddamn boobs cause so many issues. I have cried in dressing rooms, gone to tons of stores and tried on tons of swimsuits and find nothing. This process has occurred repeatedly for the past five years or so. I have finally found one bathing suit that I actually don’t hate how I look in but girl, my boobs are just on there for display. I recently went on vacation and I had to wear my hair down to cover my boobs so no one would look at them. I envy women with small breasts lounging around in string bikinis without a care in the world or internal fear that something is going to pop out or a worry that people are thinking that I am trying to put my body on display. I am completely aware that there are many issues, issues far more severe and important that my larger than average boobs, but that is important to me. Despite my hostility towards my boobs, I am slowly learning to accept my body and reassure myself that I am beautiful just the way I am
If anyone is struggling with this problem or has any insecurity at all about their bodies, remember that you are a beautiful, interesting and a fabulous person. You should remember that you are you, unique and fantastic, despite any minuscule flaw. I am slowly teaching myself that I don’t need to alter my body or go out of my way to conceal something natural; I have to accept what I was given and learn how to appreciate and be confident of my body.
