Transforming Myself Through Positivity
Last year, I had a revelation; that I didn't like the person I was. I was best friends with someone who was negative and toxic, and we would bring each other down for fun. We would call each other names and just be straight up mean to each other. Our relationship was toxic and downright unhealthy. And I called this person my best friend.
It was September when it all fell apart. It was the start of my sophomore and her freshman year. We hadn't been at the same school since middle school since we were a year apart. And she came up to me in the hallway and called me an insulting name, out of jest. People around me obviously got really uncomfortable, and these were people I called my friends. It hit me that I really didn't want to be seen with her. And that's not something you should feel about your best friend.
That month, it was my birthday party. And I'm one of these people that has a lot of friends, but they're not really friends with each other. So I invited all of my closest friends, including her. For her birthday back in February, I had written her a poem. It had some of our inside jokes (that were probably mean to other people, but funny to us), but overall it was funny. She had written a poem for me for my birthday. This poem was pages and pages of insults and literally such hurtful things. And she read it out loud in front of everybody. Me and my friends were literally hiding under my dining room table to get away from her. My parents later read this poem, and found it so disturbing. This poem reflected who she was, full of anger and negativity.
What she did was the last straw. I decided to block her on all social media and tell her we needed a break. She begged me so many times to give her another chance. We had been friends for three years when I decided enough was enough. I told her I couldn't give her another chance, and that our friendship was over. Her negativity had consumed me. I was negative, hateful, and miserable. I hated who I was. I knew I couldn't be anyone but that negative person with her in my life. I tried to tell her at one point how I wanted to change myself to be more positive, and she told me that she would never change. I knew that there was no turning back.
After our friendship had ended, there was a weight lifted off my shoulders. I knew I could finally be the positive person I had always aspired to be. I had pushed toxic people from my life, and was ready for a new beginning. I surrounded myself with positive people, positive things, and positive thoughts. It's taken me a long time to get to the point that I'm at now. I had to force myself to push past negativity that had become so familiar. It was hard at first, I felt like I wasn't being who I was. But throughout my journey, I learned that the negativity that I put forth was my shield. This shield was used as a protection so I couldn’t get hurt. I got hurt despite it. My negativity was hurting me more than I realized.
My journey was hard. I had to constantly remind myself to spread positivity and not fall back into my negative habits. If you want to have a self transformation, know that it takes time. Know that you are capable of changing for the better.
Today, I am a completely different person than I was last year. My attitude towards the world has changed drastically, and the way I communicate with others is so different than what it was. I used to bring others down, thinking it was funny. Today, I only build others up. I feel so much happier and healthier, and like a totally new person. I couldn't be happier with my decision to push that toxicity out of my life and reinvent myself.
Here are some of my tips for to stay positive:
Decorate your room with things that make you happy. My room is literally a motley of colors, but every single thing in it brings me positive energy.
Surround yourself with positive people. I have done this, and the people I call my friends are truly going to be my lifelong friends. I deal with absolutely nobody's negativity, and push all toxic people out.
Whenever negative energy seems unrelenting, do a sage cleanse. Sage clears the energy around you, and makes room for more positive energy to come in.
Radiate positivity. This might sound dumb, but let your inner light shine and let your positive vibes spread to others. This helps you, and helps others.
Open up your mind to new ideas and concepts. Take up something you've been wanting to try (may I personally recommend meditation, it's such a great way to focus your energy and do some soul searching. It has definitely helped me on my journey to positivity).
Make a positivity playlist. Whenever you're feeling down in the dumps, listen to it. One of my favorite songs about staying positive is Positive Vibrations by Bob Marley. And if you want something more contemporary, look up Mod Sun.
Eat healthier. This sounds cliché, but since I've been vegetarian and eating more natural foods I feel a lot less dragged down. I feel refreshed and better about myself.
Get in touch with nature. My last article in this zine was all about my enlightenment with nature, so go check it out for some inspo:)
Don't care what others think of you. Ignore any negativity that comes your way, and don't feel like you even have to engage with those people. Literally ignore it.
Be who you are. Embrace your flaws. Love yourself. Take good care of yourself. You are a beautiful human being. Know that <3
I hope you've taken inspiration from my journey to positivity. I know thinking about how far I have come inspires me everyday. Best of luck on your journey in becoming who you want to be. Follow your dreams and stay smiling beautiful:)
