We Fell In Love In Stereo And He Broke My Heart In Stereo
My love faded away this summer*. I still remember him, I do. We eventually "talk" via facebook and sometimes he comes to visit me; at school. And I swear I am the happiest/saddest during those little moments.
Last year he said to me we were still going to be best friends by 2016. And I've been thinking about it and I honestly don't find a single reason why we still are.
It all started when he told me we should start swaping CD's because at that time, we used to love the same music. The first one he borrowed me was Miley Cyrus's "BANGERZ" and our meeting was literally the most awkward moment I've ever lived. But skipping all of our first (real awful) conversations, all my 2014 school days can be summarized in: walking down the hall talking about all kinds of stuff while all teachers and students looked at us, although I'm sure everyone was pretty used to it.
And somehow I feel better without him.
Naturally this last sentence makes me feel selfish and guilty of something but the truth is, I feel free now. Right before we were about to meet, I was always shaking and feeling a bit scared because damn, I LOVED him and never wanted to say something ridiculous in front of him. And now I don't have to worry about that. And I feel better with myself now.
He never felt for me and I'm glad he didn't. I'm not here to complain about being "Friendzoned" or something because I do not believe in that shit and even if it was my biggest dream last year, I think a relationship between us wouldn't have worked.
But as I said in the very beginning, my love for him (romantically) doesn't exist anymore. And all this time where I was realizing I wasn't in love anymore, I've been feeling broken but also empty.
For some reason I sometimes like to think I still am in love with him. Guess I'll never be sure, but I'm currently happy with our super cool (and healthy) relationship/friendship.
It's not so clear why we aren't seeing each other now but it's basically because my school has two buildings and well, he's a year older than me. Next year we are going to meet again and I wished I was as excited as last year for that moment to come but I'm not. I love him as a friend now and obviously still care about him and well if he ever reads this, he'll obviously know I'm talking about him. And I do love you baby.
*Peru's summer vacation/holidays are from January to March
