Alien She

Lately, I’ve found myself lost in a change of scene. Lost in a romance with the girl of my dreams, lost in a chance to reinvent myself, and lost in the realization that my reality is going through an unstoppable metamorphosis. Of course these changes can be viewed in more ways than one, some see it as a “fresh start” and some (like me) see it as this catastrophic “end of the world” experience. While these new opportunities sometimes excite me, the

thought of change can often scare me, left utterly immobilized. I feel caught between two identities, “she wants me to be like her, but I’m afraid it might kill me”. This fall I will be starting university, I’ve already decided that I will pursue Political Science/Pre-Law and even though I know that it is the best path for me and what I want to accomplish in life, I just have this overwhelming feeling that I will regret not dedicating my life to something that isn’t as consuming. When I envision my ideal future, being an influential political leader is definitely a large part of it, but so is days spent laying in fields of flowers and road trips to the west coast.

To all of you who are struggling with a similar identity crisis, just know that you are not alone. Most of the people in my life who I have confided in with this existential issue are dealing with their own demons as well. Nothing in this life is predetermined. Every choice we make is a chance to change the very course of our lives. There is no rule saying you can’t change your mind or that you have to do “one thing” for the rest of your life. The path you choose now might only be your reality for a few years. In a decade who knows where you’ll be, right now you may be working a 9-to-5 trying to pay off student loans, but in the future you could be sippin on merlot at your very own art gallery or fundraising for a non-profit organization that you helped create.

Since I was a child and I lost my grandmother, I’ve had this fear that the ones I love could be gone at any moment. While this isn’t necessarily a healthy way to live, always thinking that

your loved ones are in imminent danger, this anxiety does motivate me to live life with intensity and compassion. I encourage you all to wake up everyday excited because it is a new opportunity to do something great. While this summer so far as been very slow, still, and unproductive for me and many of you out there, just remember that relaxing is okay and is essential to recharge for your new adventures. Love with intense passion, never leave a conversation with someone angry, and show off your beautiful smile to the world (you never know how much that little action could help someone who is having a bad day). Live every day like it could be your last, tomorrow is never guaranteed. Use whatever opportunities you have coming up as a way to reinvent yourself, every year is a chance to become your truest self, so take an idea and run with it my dear.

Here are some things that I try to remember when I become discouraged:

lending a hand to someone in need, ending fascism, road trips, cuddling + kissing someone you love, laughs, a warm cup of coffee or tea on a cold day, autumn + halloween, the opportunity to create a counterculture, seeing someone grow, seeing yourself grow, helping, someone grow, plants, sunshine, rainbows, a beautiful skyline, clouds, learning something new, reading a captivating book, writing out your thoughts on paper, creating art, sketching someone you love in person, traveling somewhere new, watching movies while eating ice

cream, long awaited hugs, staying in bed until noon, waking up next to someone you love dreaming big, achieving your goals, laying in a field of flowers, contributing something great to the world, exploring big cities, exploring small towns, petting an animal, holding hands, feeling the sand between your toes, watching a sunrise, staying in, going out, eating takeout in your underwear at midnight, hearing music live, writing a poem, giving and receiving love...

On a lighter note, here are some relaxing songs that I have been enjoying this summer :) I hope you enjoy!

XOXO

Kaitlyn

Tracklist

September // 1973

Sugar Town // Nancy Sinatra

With Me // Plastic Plastic

You and Only You // The Softies

Pure // The Lightning Seeds

Earlies // The Trash Can Sinatras

Summer Holiday // Wild Nothing

Junk of the Heart // The Kooks